kajarainbow: (Default)
I don't really have a natural language. Not in the sense that is generally meant by language.

All words are difficult to me. The pictures described by the words do not match the pictures that are in my mind. The pictures in my mind are far more colorful and charged with emotional energy than words can manage to for me.

ASL, in some senses, is easier than English for me. But my ultimate language would be environment manipulation. Warping the very surroundings around me to convey my message, making an experience. An experience that would sometimes confuse or disorient most people, heh.

Something like this might be the kind of message that I might communicate. Or something easier to grasp, it's not like my mind's a total maze of surreality. But those more mundane matters're what regular words suffice for, since words were after all created to describe the realities largely shared and comprehensible by most humans. It's the stuff for which there are no words that I'm frustrated over being unable to communicate.

Especially when someone asks me how I'm feeling, and I have no real answers I can give in words. Or I just reply with something absurd like:
"I'm a moon!"
"Pink."
"The world is marble."

When I give you a reply like that? Mostly it's my grasp of language breaking down and spitting out random silliness instead of coherent meaning.

Even if I gained the types of communication abilities I desired, I think there would still be a part of me generally incomprehensible to most others.

In the meantime... I might try anyway. I'm often too silent, I don't voice the thoughts on my mind nearly enough.
kajarainbow: (Default)
I really should clean my room more often. I found stuff worth at least $100 just over the past few days of cleaning. Counting the check and items that would've cost me money to replace. Oh, yeah, and more estrogen than I realized I had--I thought I was running lower than I was. Phew.

I'm really glad I've been spending the time doing that cleaning. Very worthwhile.
kajarainbow: (Bloody Heart Madotsuki)
Thinking of starting up a file of capsule replies to comments that annoy me just a little, so I don't have to waste time typing them up every time. Like this example, a reply to a comment that a particular artist must've been on drugs:

"It takes less drugs to come up with stuff like this than most people think. You just need a really, really weird mind. I'm saying this as someone who's been accused of being on drugs when I was just saying what was normal for my mind.

Not to say that they aren't on drugs. Sometimes they are (not that I find anything wrong with that). It's just not the case for every single work you happen to find really bizarre."

Mii.

Apr. 4th, 2009 11:16 am
kajarainbow: (Sleeping Sera)
Mii.
kajarainbow: (Default)
So, while paying my mobile phone bill that I had run up due to inability to pay it for a couple of months, I just checked on some things with my mobile phone company. They don't have anything cheaper than the data/text only plan I'm on. $30/month unlimited data, 300 text messages. In fact, it's not even available to new customers anymore. They said it was a promotional offer.

I was thinking of dropping down to a cheaper plan, like something with only texting or something, but T-Mobile doesn't seem to offer that. And I've found that stuff like Google Maps on the go have often been invaluable--helped keep me from getting totally lost on occasion.

Hmm. I guess I'm sticking with my current Blackberry Pearl. Did I mention that this plan only applies to Blackberries, and I cannot get any other kind? Every Blackberry upgrade option offered by my provider would cost me at least $49.

From what I've been reading, there aren't too many options for affordable data/text only plans. Hmm. Do any of you know of any? Though I've had a nothing but positive customer service experience with T-Mobile, and I've heard bad things about some of the other carriers' customer service.

Apparently there're other deaf people out there who aren't too happy about the limited options in general.
kajarainbow: (Default)
I tend to have a hard time with this holiday, as I tend to take jokes at face value except when it's absolutely and obviously ridiculous enough it's more likely a joke than not.

Combined with the fact that I have very little sense of dates (I typically forget about holidays), and this leads to a lot of confusion.

At least the first webcomic I read today that pulled an April's Fools stunt made it plain and obvious. Actually for the most part those webcomics've been reasonably obvious.

Still... this holiday can be a little annoying for me in general.

And jokes told with a straight face... really annoy me. I hate believing people and then finding out they didn't mean what they say--I'm bad at reading into the subtleties and nonverbal cues. I do try somewhat, but it's difficult. So spare me, please. Or tell your jokes with a crooked face. ;)

Though, actually, the most amusing webcomic prank I've seen so far was an artist switching the characters of two of her webcomics around, so that each webcomic featured the other webcomic's characters saying the dialogue meant for the real characters. Heh.
kajarainbow: (101010101)
So my Macbook's suffering from a problem right now. It started last Thursday. It seems that if I try to do too much, programs begin exhibiting spinning beachballs and the wireless connection craps out. Furthermore, those programs will always lock up after that, even though they will function fine on a regular reboot if I don't run too much at once. Not sure what might be causing this. I can do far less at once than I could before.

For example, my torrent program now causes this just from running it.

It's notable that I'm not experiencing this issue on the Windows partition, so it seems most likely to be software rather than hardware related.

Does anyone have any thoughts?
kajarainbow: (Scary Rin Van Winkle)
Had a dream in which my grandfather was alive. That really messed with me. See, to me, death seems like a monstrously cruel thing to do to living, especially sentient, beings. It's on the top of my list of (many) reasons I bear much hatred for the underlying mechanisms of the Universe. Yes, I hate the very laws of physics. I know they can't help what they are and it's a kinda pointless hatred, but I hate them anyway.
kajarainbow: (Adorable plant-girl)
I've decided to start trying out video chatting. See, the thing is, I've been concerned about getting out of practice with sign language since I don't know where to meet deaf people, and I tend to have a hard time interacting with the majority of people for any great length of time anyway. The only people I really sign with is my family... which I visit a few times a year.

So! I'm going to try video chatting. Maybe I'll start going out more eventually, but for now this will be easier. Besides, my laptop has a built in webcam anyway, might as well use it. ^.^

So, any of you know sign language and want to talk with the Kaja? Let's see if we can set something up!
kajarainbow: (Shoggoth close-up)
I had a very nasty dream. Not really a nightmare, but fairly disturbing now that I'm awake.

Cut for nastiness )
kajarainbow: (Sleeping Sera)
This will help you understand me a little more. Or not. ;) I'm just being silly.

I do like this webcomic, though. I find it pleasantly soothing, especially with the nonsense language. I like language when it has purely aesthetic value without much meaning. It's kinda relaxing.

In short, it's about a french-gibberish-speaking anime-styled girl with Pacman deely-boppers in a dreamworld that's mostly in art styles like assorted old Western newspaper strips. Not much plot, though some small amount of continuity (like her moving into a house with a bunch of similarly anime-styled friends met in the dreamworld). The girl's pretty much just as strange as the dreamworld. Random stuff happens.

I feel comfortable with the world of this comic. Overall, it's a very relaxing webcomic to me.

The creator's contact info is instructions on how to reach them by CB radio. I find that kinda cute.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Brown rice, frozen veggies, Tso sauce. Hee.

In other news, it's been quite a while since I last posted, or for that matter, read my friends page. I'm going to get to catching up on my friends page. And I'm going to work on being better at doing some of everything I want to do (just the most important things to me though!) instead of just focusing on one thing to the absolute exclusion of all others.

See, I have this problem. I get utterly engrossed in one thing, and focus utterly on it. And I can do this for days or even occasionally a couple of weeks. And that one thing typically doesn't include, well, basic household chores for example.

It took a vision of who I wanted to be to make me step back and think about paying more attention to what I actually focus on. I need to remember who I want to be and use that to guide my actions.
kajarainbow: (Light Ring Armisael)
Working on Sky's Crack more lately. But I've given up on writing it sequentially. Scenes keep coming to me out of chronological order. This means that you likely won't see me resuming serializing it until I've written the whole thing then and then edited it (for ordering among other things), when I'll serialize the second draft from the very beginning.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Wishing you all a happy time of year. In the end, that's the only thing I care about for the holidays, that you're all happy. Life doesn't always make it easy, so that's okay if you're in a situation where you find it too difficult to be happy.

Just remember that all of you are beautiful souls to me.
kajarainbow: (101010101)
So a while back, I tried Anachronox because I heard it was an overlooked game with a very good story and all. What I played of the game looked to have potential. I got up to those ancient alien ruin tunnels (so relatively early on, like the second dungeon if one counts the Junkyard as a dungeon).

Then I quit in frustration. Why? You can probably guess from my post title, but in short: Anachronox's a Western game, but it appears to have taken inspiration from JRPGs in its combat system, and not in a good way. The problem: every single attack has an animation time of several seconds at least. This combined with the painful combat interface was somewhat irritating (having to click hard-to-identify icons to select both actions and targets). Not to mention that it was one of those time-based battle systems which, really, mainly combined the worse attributes of both action-based and turn-based combat--having the timer tick while you decide on then select your (hard to identify) action but not letting you have full-time control of your action like you would in a more action-based game.

But it really came to a head when I came to a particular fight in the aforementioned ruin tunnels. This fight had more enemies than any prior enemies (I think about six). Not only that, they were the tiny hard-to-hit sort (translation: high whiffage rate). So we got a long dragged out tedious fight where I spent far, far more time watching the overly lengthy animations than actually getting to select any courses of action. It was so bad that I actually quit the program in frustration before the combat finished.

A short time after, faced with a shortage of space on my Windows partition, I decided to delete Anachronox. It might've had very good merits otherwise, but the combat system simply killed the whole experience for me.

I prefer my attack animations fast and furious. Some of my favorite turn-based combat systems actually didn't have much in the way of animations (I'm looking at you, ancient PC games), but real animations can be done in a way that's fun for me. Actually, I'll mention one of my most favorite combat systems: Suikoden. I'm focusing mostly on the combat system in my discussion here. I won't really cover the series' other qualities here (my full opinion on them would be another post entirely).

What I liked in the combat system of Suikoden 1 and 2 is simple: they had a system where you selected all of your party members' actions for the turn and then the turn ran in initiative order--both your and the enemies' turns running at the same time. Not only that, but very frequently multiple combatants would act at the same time, so you'd get a barrage from one or both sides and/or a few meleers hurdling themselves all at the same time. This made battles far more zippy than other JRPGs with comparable attack animation times (and the animations weren't excessively long). If you selected the auto-battle option, battles could be over in a brief time (great for breezing past weak enemies).

It gave the battles a chaotic impression where it was hard to keep track of every single attack (not that it was really necessary), but that just made it more fun for me. The most important overall elements were evident.

Those Suikoden combat systems were fairly standard JRPG systems in other regards, but just those elements served far more to make the games a pleasurable experience than most of the systems that had more intricacies.
kajarainbow: (Octopusgirl With Fork In Her Head)
Samples of the kinds of phrases/imagery that pass through my head:

"The world is marble."
A chorus happily and cutely singing a single obscene word again and again (it varies).
Zigzag landscapes. Or the world just warping into strange patterns, such as zigzags.
Silvery shimmers representing silvery vibrations.

A lot of the time, the inside of my head looks like one of those zany anime openings. Or even odder (especially in the case it's filled with nothing but colorful patterns).

I don't talk much about what I'm thinking, because often it's hard to put it into a form that makes sense. Sometimes those things are fun, sometimes they are a pain. But it's often the case that I can't really stop imagining/thinking them.
kajarainbow: (Orin cat-mouthed)
Infection vector [livejournal.com profile] shatterstripes
* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence along with these instructions on your LJ.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

It also makes a tasty dressing for a green leaf salad.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Something hampering my writing is my lack of confidence in my understanding of people. This is something that's held back further progress on Sky's Crack.
kajarainbow: (101010101)
Had a weird dream about what seemed to be... a curious kind of rail shooter, almost, except that you selected what bonuses you wanted (accuracy, damage, score I imagine, and so on) and glided along the line granting that bonus. You could jump from line to line (and literally did so given it was a VR game), and had to specifically decide which potential threats were actually threats you had to neutralize or avoid...

You know, this is sounding like some bizarre hybrid between rail shumps and more conventional shumps.

Misc. Inc.

Oct. 15th, 2008 08:28 am
kajarainbow: (Default)
So. Turns out I was two weeks behind on reading LJ. Catching up once again. Already trimmed my 'reading list' a bit, still leaving me with about 300 posts to quickly skim through. Hmm, that's very roughly a 20 posts a day reading rate, will see if that's manageable.

I recently started playing City of Heroes. Just wondering if any of you're already playing this, and what characters you are on what servers. Mostly, I've been clustering my characters around the Virtue server because a few of my friends (including my boyfriend) are playing there. For me, it's mainly a chance to get in some social video gaming and a bit of RPing with some friends plus a very interesting circle of RPers I met there.

The struggle against mundane disorder continues. Redoubling my efforts on this front. Speaking of which: what're good recipes to cook in enough bulk to last for an entire week? I think that would be a good solution. Cook when I'm in a high-energy state, then just take the pre-made food out of the fridge for meals in my low-energy states. (Energy being mental rather than physical.)

Got sick off some bad eggs couple of days ago. I think I'll stop buying eggs. Don't seem to use them at a high enough rate. Maybe look into getting them in smaller packages. Though I sometimes have odd reactions to foods. Like how potatoes seem to make me weirdly sluggish and bread seems to kill my ability to concentrate. And so on.

That's all that comes to mind now.

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kajarainbow

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