kajarainbow: (Shoggoth close-up)
I had a very nasty dream. Not really a nightmare, but fairly disturbing now that I'm awake.

Cut for nastiness )
kajarainbow: (101010101)
Had a weird dream about what seemed to be... a curious kind of rail shooter, almost, except that you selected what bonuses you wanted (accuracy, damage, score I imagine, and so on) and glided along the line granting that bonus. You could jump from line to line (and literally did so given it was a VR game), and had to specifically decide which potential threats were actually threats you had to neutralize or avoid...

You know, this is sounding like some bizarre hybrid between rail shumps and more conventional shumps.
kajarainbow: (Eye-hair Ozoi)
I dreamed I was a demonic bipedal elephant with a single yellow/orange eye. I and other demon elephants were fighting to save our people (who looked more like normal two-legged elephants) from the Nazis that were enslaving them. It ended up a magic-versus-magic fight which I woke in the middle of.
kajarainbow: (Hellvis damning God)
My brain decided to follow up the dream about Hell with one about another afterlife: Candyland. I got the impression that it was supposed to be Paradise, but in mood it was more in-between. Neither awful nor wonderful. There were bullshit politics but no murderous thugs to fuck said politics up. Since they were all in Hell.

Candyland was built out of ice. No one seemed cold, so I guess it was purely aesthetic. There was a King though I don't know his political powers. Everyone appeared in a cutesy form, like early console overhead RPG sorites. It was in the same map view too.

In the smithy, there was a bully. I guess he wasn't evil enough to go to Hell (you had to do vile things). Just a bully. He threatened people so they wouldn't become apprentices at the smithy. But this guy not quite as big as the bully but rather big came in, saw his actions, and pushed him up the wall, pinning him. That ended the bullying.

There was a pirate queen, but she had reformed her fleet into merchants (if exceptionally armed and escorted) and pirate-hunters. She specialized in rescuing injured endangered animals, raising them, then selling them to decent looking homes. Probably not the best way to handle endangered species but I think she did it with positive motives at least.
kajarainbow: (Alucard framing his eye)
I was a girl working in, apparently, Hell. As in the realm of punishment for condemned souls. Hell had no reds. Not much color except black really. I commuted from the living world, on a flying taxi that refused to take me too close so I had to walk some. There were those ugly walking corpses that were murderers and other nasty things.

Those hardened criminals bolted before they got to see what awaited them. I didn't see anything of their destination except a network of teleporters in a Hell-Crown shape (the dream used a name like that). They provided no escape--they only teleported in a zigzag pattern, repeating itself. Only us workers knew escape. I don't know what job I did there. Greeter/escort? I sat on the train and bus.

The condemned souls bolted before they got onto the boat-train. Talked about a night on the town. A murderous one (this was a simple dream). They tried to take us workers hostage. Big mistake. The driver of the Hell Bus (black and spiky like everything else) just cackled and stepped on the gas, hurling us down the highway toward the inevitable accident. None of us workers were concerned about the whole thing. I think it happened on a regular basis. It was futile for the condemned souls like everything else. I don't think we actually got out of Hell despite it seeming like the outside world. On a really, really dark night.

I get the feeling Hell in this dream was mainly gloom and futility.

Anyway, then I woke up.
kajarainbow: (Soulthrister from Exterminatus Now)
This dream is too strange not to record. However, it's kinda... uh. Well. you'll see.

Basically, it's about evil uses for a virgin. And expanded details on one of those single uses. This is just stuff made up by the dream.

Now, the thing is, accounting to this dream, the main power as a demon (going off a more D&D concept of demon BTW) that you get from a virgin that just happened to be offered up to you by a sorcerer is based on the very concept of virgins being special. There's actually nothing special about virgins except the idea of them being special. It's like the idea that painting something red makes it faster. If it actually works, it's because it's believed in. You could just eat the virgin or something, but the power's modest compared to what you could potentially gain.

You see, as a demon, you have an unique opportunity. They're relatively ignorant of what sex's actually like. This is your chance to utterly warp their idea of sex before it's properly formed. By this method, you can gain a very interesting evil minion. I won't go into the nasty details. The dream did, but I'm not going to.

Now, this next thing is almost a tangent, in fact it's more "evil use a sorcerer can get out of a virgin" than "evil use a demon can get out of a virgin". It does use a virginal offering as part of a ritual. Now, what this ritual ultimately does, beyond a relatively modest stat boost (given in actual D&D stats: bonus of 2 to AC, +3 hit points, +1... something else), is offer you the opportunity to join the army of this Wicked Witch (in the Oz sense). Essentially, the opportunity to become a demon. You give up the stats gain and a part of your autonomy in order to gain much more impressive power than the small stats would've given you.

As for the nature of this army? It's actually kinda goofy. Yet horrifying to me at least (maybe just laughable to you). They're living paper. Each one a written character. Living expressions of the written word. Malicious expressions of writing. That utilize gags related to assorted processes used in the editing process. Especially the erasing ones. They're made out of a peculiar fusion of matter and... other not-matter. They eat matter. They eat cities. Each one has an unique power that is an editing-related (or writing-related) gag. The purpose of every single one of those gag powers is carnage. Killing people en-mass. With gags.

Now, I'm told by this dream that if you pull the ritual off right, when you peel off the wrapping for the stickers (apparently this ritual actually uses stickers bought from a store), you will see a beautiful host inside, and they will see you as beautiful, and you will be one of them. If you pull it off incorrectly, all you will see will be stickers. And they will see you as ugly. And they will decide to destroy you. I've thought about it, and the only way to survive this situation would, most likely, be something on the order of a contingency teleport spell. Something like that. And then you would be surviving with the knowledge that you had unleashed a city-destroying force.

To me, this paper army has some of the goofy yet terrifying feel of vermicious knids from the book Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator. Not quite as terrifying as the knids were at the early age which I read the book (which had illustrations that made them look particularly creepy in an utterly unnatural looking, wrong way without negating their goofiness which honestly was part of the terror), but still, yeah. I wouldn't want to ever face something like that.
kajarainbow: (Fear Alucard's psycho grin)
Had a dream, in which the Sinister Ethereal Interdimensional Monsters that I got drawn into joining turned out to be just some Internet club goofing around, fortunately/unfortunately. On the one hand, it would've been awesome being a real monster, but on the hand, it's nice not to be killing people invisibly and dragging them screaming into Elsewhere. And at least I got some neat perks like a kinda funky spatial transport to the clubhouse, which was full of scary masks/identities to wear.
kajarainbow: (Soulthrister from Exterminatus Now)
So, I had a 20-minute nap.

* * *

Awaiting the exchange. Deal made with two robots, on benefit of a forgotten third party. A factory-device waiting for the robots to insert the chip into it. Betrayal by the chip-manufactor, as the factory-device assimilated everything in sight, including me, to become a spaceship. Launch, out and out. Ejection of my spirit, floating in strange whiteness/white room (indeterminate state).
kajarainbow: (Dogmonster)
"And what're you going to do with all your winnings?"
"Uh, blow it all on transition, of course!"
"Indeed, indeed! And here we have it, the first transsexual Man of the Century, who's going to use her winnings to stop being a man! The irony's so wonderfully palatable, isn't it?"
And then the game show host did a wonderfully maniac skipping dance.
kajarainbow: (Pixel's drawing of my Anisha)
In the dream, my sister, some of her friends, one of my old friends from high school, and I were constantly doing some Utena cosplay (me as Utena, the others as characters that didn't actually exist). It was like we were putting on an improv play and preparing to be characters all of the time.

The situations were goofy, though. Some kinda fat and round floating spirit of pubescence pestering our train. A curious museum with a pool that had underwater stores (where we shopped for clothes fitting our characters, I recall having a hard time finding any). Stuff like that. Amusingly enough, there was an "Utena saving a girl from drowning" scene. (Mirroring something in the show without any similarities to it.)
kajarainbow: (Default)
After the ending of Anthrocon, I and a bunch of friends ended up in someone's hotel having an informal 'party' and eating pizza. I talked some via paper pad and pencil but eventually my fatigue overtook me, and I slept right there on the floor for a bit.

I dreamt that [livejournal.com profile] shatterstripes was playing this game. It, well... It was all about some star-dog. And it was doing in this amazingly vivid style. All neon lines and outlines consisting pretty much the opposite of [livejournal.com profile] shatterstripes's lineless, solid filled shapes art. The way things were subdivided inside into smaller shapes reminded me of (insert link here), but the overall shape of the dog for example was less angular than that and more cartoony-round. And everything had stars inside them. The overall execution was actually fairly beautiful, like viewing some of the best aboriginal art.

I really wanted to play this game, but after I had finished with other distractions (including a game that made Peggy just start to go creepy like she did in a certain library, so that she ended up excusing herself and leaving briefly in order to avoid wigging out) and when I was just about to start playing, I woke up. How frustrating. ;)

As a side effect, the front lobby of the convention center's attached hotel had those automatic revolving doors with mirrors on their inside curved walls. As I walked out at night with the others staying at the house, the warped reflections made me dizzy... in part with inspiration. I got a mental image of some amazing floating fantastical castle with those dizzying rotating doors as a defense system or the like. I'm definitely adding that to what I'm working on.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Fighting, lots of it, in my dreams last night.

First, I was a little tiny fairy applying to be a guardian, and I had to fight many other applicants for the position. Despite my weaknesses (tiny size and extreme detriment in summoning magic), I kicked ass. Arrow-grabbing, mind magic tricks, and far, far more.

Then it turned more... political, violently so. O.o Chaos going on in a school, fighting between authority figures and revolutionaries. Me on the side of the revolutionaries. I was using a frigging sniper rifle point blank. In one hand.

What's with those dreams? Heh.
kajarainbow: (Anisha by Pixel)
Somehow Star Trek, a show I don't watch much, got into my dreams. Anyway, the interesting thing about this dream was my ending up with an shapfeshifting baby. It offered unique challenges to a single mother.
kajarainbow: (Yuri from Alien Nine)
I dreamed about a movie. Kinda stupid and bland except where it got really fucked up. Nearly naked man and woman, either barbarians or stranded or the like. Both of them putting up a valiant fight but the woman was having the most trouble, because it was that kind of Muscle-Hewing Grunty Macho Fantasy movie.

Mind, the enemies weren't exactly pushovers and they seemed to be concentrating the most on the woman. Really ganging up on her bad. Skeletons, couple of them. And then twin duplicates (?) of the woman, but they did some creepy pulling on their faces so that they had three mouths and stuff, and that wasn't the only warped thing about them. They also had a scary feel. They terrified me so much that when they managed to pin the woman down and do something horrible to her, I couldn't watch. I looked away from the television screen. I didn't hold much hope for her as it was the kind of movie with a high body count for its "good side".

And then when I looked back, there was a strange scene with a coffin and a couple of skeletons and some villainess (the sort that would naturally be in a Muscle-Hewing Grunty Macho Fantasy movie). And the heroine woke up. She was still herself, sort of, and still on the 'good side' as evidenced by her beginning to fight again. But something had been done to her. Some change. I didn't know exactly what.

Also, there was a random scene or two with mutated dogs bursting out of a pet store, while people fled, and attacking a couple of random heroes who were holding their own.
kajarainbow: (Default)
A struggle between unnamed positive beings and Echthroi. Smiles as a weapon in the war, etc. Unnamed protagonist ends up in the middle of this all, at first thinks the world has gone mad, but by the end is trying to help plaster cheery abstract blue sky back onto the ceiling, to fix the cracks that're appearing revealing cold naked emptiness lit only by lonely stars. By the end, it's a losing struggle, but a solution is found to forge a peculiar dual existence between the two. The protagonist slowly undergoes changes and evolutions into a more powerful positive being, but in the end dies after the Echthroi show a sudden unusual burst of creativity and break from their standard repetitive tactics. This death only signals a motion to a higher, stranger level of the struggle...

The dream tragically didn't feature surreal use of rainbows, but that would have fit perfectly in there.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Someone in the dream I just had advised me to "Whatever you pick, go all out on it. Don't just wobble between two things."

Friends, is that actual useful advice? What're your experiences on this?
kajarainbow: (old wolfie)
I was a monster that wailed, and frightened the other people. They captured a sample of my blood and could not match it to anyone known. And people made me into their own legends, interpreting me in their own terms. They placed ads in the newspaper begging me not to take their children, or asking me to do certain things to certain people. I questioned why people made those assumptions, and others did not take me seriously, for they did not know I was the monster. As to why I was wailing? Grief at the state of many things in the world.

I was telling a story. There were those people who settled into a hideous yet comfortable routine. I forgot how it produced all those corpses, certainly it was not necessarily by standard violence. But at any rate, those people found that those corpses would sprout a certain delicious vegetation in them. Those people, I said, would eat the children of death. The products of the old and gone. And they would become akin to the dead, unchanging and static in how they approached the world. Those few who withdrew from this practice watched aghast. The ones listening to my story did not fully understand its horror.

I was a boy who was sad about not being a girl, and I had a certain bauble that I would treasure. Others did not understand why I kept it.

Being misunderstood seemed to be the common theme of this round of dreams.
kajarainbow: (Default)
One of the problems I've noticed with dream entries is they often can go on and on attempting to recount all details. So I shall attempt to make myself more interesting and be brief. Four dreams in one to three paragraphs each.

One dream:
An area with distorted directions such that it's best just to follow your eyes straight to your destination, since others could be right next to the cabin one's standing and yet appear to be climbing the next mountain over. And the deep end of the sea is up the slope from you, inside the wall of water that is underwater-on-land.

An time anomaly such that there were three versions of parents and grandparents visiting at the same time.

I become Death. Death does not visit town because Death loses its powers in there and can die. Thus, Death presides only over the wilderness. I end up looking for a lost girl. I find her about to jump off a cliff. I tell her it's not her time to die. If she jumps, she will just get hurt, she won't die.

It was almost an riff on the Invisibles/the Filth.

Paint as weapons causing the Greys to switch sides. They got nastier and smarter, so that first we had to start using different kinds of colors, and then actually etching weird patterns on their tanks because they had put on a coating that kept off paint. Lots of more involved things I've forgotten by now.

Zombies. Always good for annoyance, particularly when regular old ways of killing them don't kill and you have to break out the total vaporization of bodies. ;) One dream had me committing massive-scale decapitations with each swing of a giant sword before I got to escape from the steamwheel boat.

Another, the only way I could kill this creepo teacher was by suicide-bombing both of us to heck with a thermal grenade. I came back as some kinda nanotechnological cyborg who could shoot fireballs but that wasn't particularly effective on the zombies, and to make matters worse you could only tell them apart from regular humans by the ways they moved, no visible decay or weird eyes or any other clues. I ended up firing a lot of throwing-star-things that filled a passageway to form a blue forcefield of death that dematerialized the first thing to touch it.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Okay, I frequently get asked the same questions. So! If you have a question not already on this FAQ, just ask me!


Q. You're really deaf?
A. Yup.

Q. When did you became deaf?
A. At the age of one. I got that meningitis thing and ended up with a super-fever that fried my inner ears. Including the balance mechanisms, and I had to get physical therapy to work on my sense of balance. But it could be worse. At the time the doctor said I wouldn't walk again, but I walk just fine today.

Q. Can you read lips?
A. I cannot read lips (or actually speak English) despite having taken classes in it for years back in school.

Q. Do you know sign language?
A. Yes. American Sign Language and written English are my two native languages.

Q. What kind of school did you go to?
A. For all my years in school, I went to the American School for the Deaf, a regional deaf school in West Hartford, Connecticut. However, I took a few classes in public schools now and then.

Q. How are you able to discern what the other characters in your dream are saying? Do they speak in sign language? Is it ever possible for your experience sound in you dreams?
A. I don't remember ever experiencing sound. My deafness rarely comes into play in my dreams, though, and I actually don't dream in sign language that often. Possibly because my main communication medium's the written word. People (including me) in my dreams speak, but they speak in telepathy, not in sound.

Q. You're a transsexual? Which direction?
A. Male to female (MTF). For those who don't know what that means, I was born biologically male, and desire to change to biologically female. I'm currently taking hormonal treatments.

Q. Do you have an alarm clock? How does it work?
A. It vibrates. To expand upon that explanation, the clock plugs in via a wire trailing under the mattress to a little disc whose only function is to vibrate. Very powerfully. There's also a flashing light option, but I usually just use the vibration. It's quite... sufficient.


...There're a lot, LOT more questions people've asked me, about transsexuality and deafness and other general weirdnesses, but I can't recall them right now. But questions asked in replies to this post will be added to this FAQ. I intend to eventually expand it into a complete "Everything people frequently ask about me that I'm willing to answer" resource for my own convenience of linking people to.

So, go ahead, comment away.

Also, you might find it useful to peruse my tags deafspace and transpace, though my deafness tag has far more informative entries. I seem to talk a lot more about my deafness and the issues related to it on this journal than about transsexuality. Part of it might be that the people reading my Livejournal're generally more familiar with transsexuals (and transgenders) than they are with deaf people.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Odd dream: being a goldfish bouncing down the school hallway from water fountain to water fountain (it had a lot of them) while shooting criminals (discernible as "the ones that point their guns at you"). This was the final level of a game that consisted of just trying to get home, and the only one with violence (other than fleeing the very occasional alligator or such).


kajarainbow: (Default)

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