kajarainbow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kajarainbow) wrote2008-06-24 05:07 am
kajarainbow) wrote2008-06-24 05:07 am
Entry tags:
Pretty Rainbow Robot Vampire Butterfly Cat
I was born in the darkness. But then again, so were us all. Impenetrable mystery, beyond the borders of our understanding. The endlessness before our births, as vast as that beyond our lives, whatever its form might be.
I opened my eyes and saw others. They were moving patterns in my eyes. Over time, I came to understand that they were people and not things put there to make me happy or irritate me. That was my childhood. I grew in such understandings, but even today, I seem to be short a step or two of the social developments I've read about.
I'm happy when people're clearly happy, and unhappy when they're clearly unhappy. But I often miss out on the subtle forms of happiness and unhappiness and other moods. I go hours, even occasionally days, without really thinking "Oh, people exist," as I lose myself in my preoccupations.
Today, I run up against an invisible glass wall trying to help a friend feel better. Finally coming up to the realization that I don't really understand their feeling, and that what I have is faint understanding at best. And that just earnestness isn't enough in many cases. I'd noticed this all along. But I'm beginning to truly understand it more and more, and that's a bitter realization. Earnestness is the only tool I know how to use, giving people affection and so on.
The metaphors I use for myself. Butterflies, moths, assorted other animals, monsters, robots, vampires, rainbows. Always in there is an element of separation from humanity. And, yet, I wish them well. I want all of you to be happy.
If I use the word "love", it's misleading. It's a word fraught with confusion, given its many meanings and permutations. If I say that I love you all, it might lead to misunderstanding of my meanings.
I'll say that I have affection for all of you, and wish you happiness. If you want to call that love, you can. A friend of mine said that wasn't love. They apparently were going off a different meaning of love than I was, which's why I said using that word leads to confusion.
But then again, a lot of people seem to have baffling requirements for things. To me, it looks like they overcomplicate things, but they just have their own reasons I'm not understanding. So I don't really have a position to judge them from.
I do like people, though. Even when they're irritatingly baffling. And some of them seem more understandable than others.
...Those more understandable people tend to use robots for metaphors for themselves though. Or similar beings. Heh.
So. I shall do my best, for both all of you and for myself. May you all have pleasant days and lives. And now I'll end my act by exploding into a swarm of butterflies.
I opened my eyes and saw others. They were moving patterns in my eyes. Over time, I came to understand that they were people and not things put there to make me happy or irritate me. That was my childhood. I grew in such understandings, but even today, I seem to be short a step or two of the social developments I've read about.
I'm happy when people're clearly happy, and unhappy when they're clearly unhappy. But I often miss out on the subtle forms of happiness and unhappiness and other moods. I go hours, even occasionally days, without really thinking "Oh, people exist," as I lose myself in my preoccupations.
Today, I run up against an invisible glass wall trying to help a friend feel better. Finally coming up to the realization that I don't really understand their feeling, and that what I have is faint understanding at best. And that just earnestness isn't enough in many cases. I'd noticed this all along. But I'm beginning to truly understand it more and more, and that's a bitter realization. Earnestness is the only tool I know how to use, giving people affection and so on.
The metaphors I use for myself. Butterflies, moths, assorted other animals, monsters, robots, vampires, rainbows. Always in there is an element of separation from humanity. And, yet, I wish them well. I want all of you to be happy.
If I use the word "love", it's misleading. It's a word fraught with confusion, given its many meanings and permutations. If I say that I love you all, it might lead to misunderstanding of my meanings.
I'll say that I have affection for all of you, and wish you happiness. If you want to call that love, you can. A friend of mine said that wasn't love. They apparently were going off a different meaning of love than I was, which's why I said using that word leads to confusion.
But then again, a lot of people seem to have baffling requirements for things. To me, it looks like they overcomplicate things, but they just have their own reasons I'm not understanding. So I don't really have a position to judge them from.
I do like people, though. Even when they're irritatingly baffling. And some of them seem more understandable than others.
...Those more understandable people tend to use robots for metaphors for themselves though. Or similar beings. Heh.
So. I shall do my best, for both all of you and for myself. May you all have pleasant days and lives. And now I'll end my act by exploding into a swarm of butterflies.
no subject
To me, there are many different forms of love. What you expressed here is as valid a form of love as any other as far as I am concerned.
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no subject