kajarainbow: (Default)
Dangerously angelic cats did therefore sing a beat, and it was gone with all lamentations.
And it was beauty, ringing out until the eyes ran with blood, crying joyfully.
Rainbows sharpened raining prismatic needles, until the sky fell piece by piece sprinkling fragile shatterings.
Reaching up to the sky, touching it until the warp and weave wrapped around ones hand, the cloud twirling into spiral maelstroms spinning out into the infinite.
Void-mice, eyes full and vastly empty glowing with would-not-bes, drifted quietly watching nestling each other.
kajarainbow: (Default)
I don't really have a natural language. Not in the sense that is generally meant by language.

All words are difficult to me. The pictures described by the words do not match the pictures that are in my mind. The pictures in my mind are far more colorful and charged with emotional energy than words can manage to for me.

ASL, in some senses, is easier than English for me. But my ultimate language would be environment manipulation. Warping the very surroundings around me to convey my message, making an experience. An experience that would sometimes confuse or disorient most people, heh.

Something like this might be the kind of message that I might communicate. Or something easier to grasp, it's not like my mind's a total maze of surreality. But those more mundane matters're what regular words suffice for, since words were after all created to describe the realities largely shared and comprehensible by most humans. It's the stuff for which there are no words that I'm frustrated over being unable to communicate.

Especially when someone asks me how I'm feeling, and I have no real answers I can give in words. Or I just reply with something absurd like:
"I'm a moon!"
"The world is marble."

When I give you a reply like that? Mostly it's my grasp of language breaking down and spitting out random silliness instead of coherent meaning.

Even if I gained the types of communication abilities I desired, I think there would still be a part of me generally incomprehensible to most others.

In the meantime... I might try anyway. I'm often too silent, I don't voice the thoughts on my mind nearly enough.
kajarainbow: (Octopusgirl With Fork In Her Head)
Samples of the kinds of phrases/imagery that pass through my head:

"The world is marble."
A chorus happily and cutely singing a single obscene word again and again (it varies).
Zigzag landscapes. Or the world just warping into strange patterns, such as zigzags.
Silvery shimmers representing silvery vibrations.

A lot of the time, the inside of my head looks like one of those zany anime openings. Or even odder (especially in the case it's filled with nothing but colorful patterns).

I don't talk much about what I'm thinking, because often it's hard to put it into a form that makes sense. Sometimes those things are fun, sometimes they are a pain. But it's often the case that I can't really stop imagining/thinking them.
kajarainbow: (Rainicorn)
I'm okay. The pony apocalypse wasn't as fearsome as some people feared. It's fun having my own colorful mane for the moment.

In the meantime, here're some news:

This trip has been longer than I expected. My parents keep hinting for me to stay longer. But I have things to do at home, so I'm going to go tonight. Today, I'm working on packing so I'm actually ready by the appointed time (and so I don't end up sticking myself with stress over rushing to get everything done in a short time).

My Livejournal paid account's running out, and I decided a while back not to renew. The main effect this'll have on me is that I go back to having only three icons to use. So, which of my icons do you like best? Any icons you'd strongly recommend for me?

Regarding Sky's Crack: I got stuck, but I will post the next installment this week. I got some useful tips from [livejournal.com profile] majorkerina on how to handle my characters.

I still like you all. Very, very much so. You're cool people.


Aug. 12th, 2007 07:03 am
kajarainbow: (Happy catgirl rainbow)
What I am is so goofy it's easy to make jokes about.

Yet I'm perfectly serious.

I free you to be goofy/odd/bizarro.

I absolve you of the need to feel guilt about what you cannot be.

Just do your best to be what you can, okay? ^.^
kajarainbow: (Soulthrister from Exterminatus Now)
In the end, "Sarah" wasn't my favorite name. I picked it mostly to be "safe". So I've gone from "sarahmonster" to [livejournal.com profile] kajarainbow. Now I am Kaja. A name from a good chunk of my ancestry, a pretty name, a distinctive name, a name that I will see referring to me more often than to others, and above all a name with special meaning to me.

Rainbows. Why rainbows? Riots of colors, vibrant, queer associations don't bother me, dressing like a rainbow is eccentricity enjoyed by my eyes, sentient rainbows are creatures of whimsy and play (I made that last one up and hopefully you all will eventually see what I made it up for).

Why not monsters? kajamonster already taken on AIM, monsters also marker of both the past and of darker (if often cute) parts of me already explored quite enough. I still like monsters and I still have those parts, but I'm exploring other parts of me now.

The wheel of change turns. This name change has more behind it than I will reveal in public.

And, remember, all of you have fun. ^.^
kajarainbow: (Hellvis damning God)
You might've seen the Japanese comics ("manga") lining their own rows at some chain bookstores. Some good, most crap like most mediums in general. Well, there's a whole strange world of technically illegal but not prosecuted fan translation efforts going for those. Companies seem to tolerate them as useful indicators of what would be popular here, cherry-picking the fan-favorites or particularly interesting series and doing their own professional translatons and commercial American releases.

This is a good review of the whole thing: A Comics Reader's Guide to Manga Scanlations. It has some excellent recommendations, and some you might not care for. The groups it illustrates, though, are the ones with the best tastes in my mind. Buncha additional personal recommendations: )

This amateur translation of a four-page Moto Hagio comic makes me really wish more of her work was available in English. I know of precisely three translated works. One of them is the obscure A, A' volume sitting on my shelf (quite good work but from what I've heard not as developed as her later works), one was a short story published only in some comic magazine (that linked scanlation article above is from said magazine's website), and one is the one I just linked. And that's all.

And now for a bizarre campy hell high school comic. Cut for pictures )


Oct. 7th, 2006 07:10 pm
kajarainbow: (Weird Space Eyes Sahaqiel)
So I'm thinking of opening up a new office on Pluto.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Sometimes Zippy the Pinhead does strange things to my memetic headspace. I've mentioned it once before on this journal, but those most recent strips left me particularly mulling some very altered viewpoints. With strips featuring themes like Conflicting Forces of the Universe, More Than Kitsch Art, and Happiness in Sadness, it's the most unique currently running newspaper strip out there I know of (though if any of you know of another like it, I'd love to know).

Also... My birthday's coming up soon. I only mention this because I recently got a happy birthday wish on here. Now, the thing is, more and more I've been tending to treat my birthday as more of a quiet personal thing. If any of you would like me to observe your birthdays, speak up and I'll make an effort. :) But, for myself, I don't really care if other people do observe my birthday or not. If my birthday passed with no one remarking upon it, I wouldn't mind that. Honestly, I've gotten tired of birthdays, and of gift-giving holidays in general--having to think of things I want in order to tell others, and getting presents I don't have much use for.

I find this birthday remarkable only because it's the first deadline for starting transition (I've set a few before) that I've actually met.
kajarainbow: (Yuri from Alien Nine)
Sometimes I feel like Creature, from this Creature, Keeper of the Vortron webcomic. See, he's a guardian of the most unique time-and-space interdimensional portal that connects all worlds (as opposed to merely some). But a pretty mindfucked guardian, doesn't remember much about why he's there, and it doesn't help that the books he consults for answers randomly zap away his memories whenever he seems on the brink of finding something danger. And then there's all the weird temporal abnormalities and such.

So, yeah. Pretty confuzzled.

Also, I've noticed that I seem to randomly pick things to do really, really competently. Sometimes it's what I need to do, sometimes it's random irrelevant crap.

It doesn't help that for some stupid reason I'm staying up late and I really can't go to sleep now because if I do I might sleep through my train which I have to get on so I can go visit my family tomorrow and okay, this is where the bizarre rambling was going to start before I noticed I was about to do it. Something about trains and pink space hippo rainbow bridges.


I know what people mean by when you move you pretty much bring your problems with you. I think I have a couple fewer now, but I'm not sure. Ah well, I'll just keep plugging away and maybe eventually I'll get it.

This is me on sleep deprivation. Goodnight, may your dreamworms be well to you.


Jun. 27th, 2006 04:03 pm
kajarainbow: (Anisha drawn by Pixel)
Xinnies are good.
kajarainbow: (Anisha by Pixel)
Ask me a whole lot of trivial questions. :) The more trivial, the better! (Contagion caught from Patent-Zero [livejournal.com profile] yomatsuri)

On the subject of mindviruses, here, have a webcomic about them. I wonder what Internet memes' avatars look like. Probably the bacteria or barely more to the more complex and nuanced concept-avatars.
kajarainbow: (Anisha by Pixel)
"And drifts the shadow through the snowy clifts
The his breast beat a Wedding-Guest here
Till that with the every ministrelsy
And the day it and for ken Albatross out."
kajarainbow: (Sarah by Steve Burt)

- quote from Pixel
kajarainbow: (Default)

Quite a confounding thing to say for an electric pink mongoose currently tying you to your bed.

"Meep meep."

He with the monocles, two of them upon his eyes, bends over me. Big monocles. Big eyes. Dinnerplates of swirling chaos staring wildly at me. More purple hairball than identifiable species. Hairball with way too much static electricity. He nods briskly to the mongoose, who just says, "Meep meep meep," as she continues tying.

"Behold!" Mister Hairball bellows while spraying saliva from his buckteeth, "We shall make you happy, like it or not! Do not bother resisting, or we shall tie you up! Oh, wait you already resisted, too late for you now!"

"Meep meep meep meep."

"Shortly you shall behold happiness! The worldwide solution! Lift the curtain!"

The curtains part, and---

"Meep meep meep meep meep!"

I cannot help but smile.
kajarainbow: (Default)
A struggle between unnamed positive beings and Echthroi. Smiles as a weapon in the war, etc. Unnamed protagonist ends up in the middle of this all, at first thinks the world has gone mad, but by the end is trying to help plaster cheery abstract blue sky back onto the ceiling, to fix the cracks that're appearing revealing cold naked emptiness lit only by lonely stars. By the end, it's a losing struggle, but a solution is found to forge a peculiar dual existence between the two. The protagonist slowly undergoes changes and evolutions into a more powerful positive being, but in the end dies after the Echthroi show a sudden unusual burst of creativity and break from their standard repetitive tactics. This death only signals a motion to a higher, stranger level of the struggle...

The dream tragically didn't feature surreal use of rainbows, but that would have fit perfectly in there.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Actually took some self-initative to go and buy some fruits.

The increased physical activity of walking seems to increase my mental activity. Interesting thoughts of how to interweave the stuff I've been reading about certain common legendary/mythological influences into my own work. Even a spoof of those influences.

Also had a fun time trying to see the internal patterns and shapes in the trees, houses, cars, people, and more I walked past.
kajarainbow: (Anisha)
...You know, I burnt a fair few months of saved up cash within a few weeks on buying interesting books. Then again, right now I don't have much to spend my money on, because I can't afford the real items (like actual independent living), and I already am doing a lot of savings untouched by this spending spree.

Picked up a bunch of stuff at Borders while visiting my grandmother, that Cryptomicon thingy (will see if it's any good), a random Bruce Sterling book (Zenith Angle), Singularity Sky, and Rudy Rucker's White Light. Rudy Rucker is definitely an interesting writer, not afraid to run with whatever wild ideas strike him. Made for a strange fiction on infinite number sets and a warped version of a Christian afterlife, and more than just that. I enjoyed it, though the Christian stuff had less impact on me than it would on an actual Christian. Notable for the nifty visualizations of many levels of infinity (aleph zero, aleph one, "all of possible existence" and so on).

Some interesting inspiration material so far. Singularity Sky's notable for the Festival, too. Interstellar migrating information-eaters, who offer crazy deals in trade for novel knowledge of any kind. Stories, etc.

I want to read more good nonfiction, but there's so much of it out there and I have a less clear idea of where to start than with fiction.

While I'm on the subject, I was at ConnectiCon a couple of weeks ago. It basically was sufficiently local that I could simply go with my dad and then come home after we were done for the day. The big minus of this being I couldn't just stick around into the late night and watch some of the very few anime showings I was even marginally interested in. The only thing I really watched at any length was Mermaid's Forest (interesting somewhat horrific fantasy involving immortals who've eaten the flesh of a mermaid, and the terrible things it can do to them).

But it was cheaper. No paying for hotels. Mostly, I ended up wandering around the convention looking at all the things people was doing, and getting into brief written conversations with people. I bought a set of purple jaguar ears and tail (at least I think the spotting pattern is jaguar, could be leopard or something else) and put them on with the help of the vendor. (Later I figured out how to put them on myself.) It had interesting effects, as I spent most of the rest of the convention in a more cheerful mood than most. Alas, one of the ears is now lost.

I ended up somewhat befriending a few strangers, including a staff member, three or so cute girls who were hanging out together in similar costumes with nifty fake hair falls and one of them now and then had a leash hooked on someone, and someone working for the vendor I ended up buying a lot of comics from (they had the best manga selection in the dealer's room, though I had to go to another one for American comics). I'm still thinking that next year I would like to try a more elaborate outfit. I have a lot of things I would like to get accomplished before then, though.

Notable comics:
Planetes, the most romantic hard science fiction story I've read so far. Great for making you want to cheer on ventures into outer space, too.
Sexy Voice and Robo, which I was curious about from the first time I just heard the name. It turns out to be a fun romp of this teenage girl's amateur detective/spy adventures. She picked the code name "Sexy Voice" because of her 'phone club' work, and "Robo" is the socially awkward robot-obsessed geek guy she manages to pull into all her adventures. In a way, it reminds me of both Tintin and Encyclopedia Brown, but it has its own definite (somewhat more morally ambiguous) aesthetic. Great fun and remarkably wholesome for the topics it mentions.
Three more volumes of The Maxx (this one not a Japanese comic). The Maxx is... trippy. Screwed up people who either hallucinate or genuinely cross over to a surreal alternative-universe "Outback".

I was going to do a weird convention report narrating real events from a fictitious viewpoint, but ended up not doing that. I might try it later.
kajarainbow: (Default)
Oh, yeah, and there's the scrolling belt-buckle. Must not forget it. http://www.scrollingbuckle.com/ I found it amusing but thought it was just silly frippery, but then I realized: this is clothing that you can make to say anything you want, and you can change the message anytime. And, uh, I've always found those things kind of fascinating. I remember watching them at my school and anywhere else I encountered them, just to watch them scroll and scroll. Plus it has a kinda fun geek-ugly chic. And now you can wear one of those things around, having it saying much more interesting things than bland announcements. Maybe even goofy mock-announcements from Mars, etc.

Hell, I almost think one could use it to hypnotize the sorts of people easily entranced by it. I don't have any experience with this, though, so I don't know if it'd actually be useful, heh.

[livejournal.com profile] queenofstripes, if it wasn't for your inspiration, I wouldn't be looking as much beyond the surfaces at things like this with an eye for the weird possibilities. Thank you. :)

Edit: Goofy idea: techno-punko urban fairy look!


kajarainbow: (Default)

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